Space Forum / Shuttle / December 2007

Mr Blackitt: Look at them, bloody Catholics, filling the bloody world
up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.

Mrs Blackitt: What are we dear?

Mr Blackitt: Protestant, and fiercely proud of it.

Mrs Blackitt: Hmm. Well, why do they have so many children?

Mr Blackitt: Beacuse... every time they have sexual intercourse, they
have to have a baby!

Mrs Blackitt: But it's the same with us, Harry.

Mr Blackitt: What do you mean?

Mrs Blackitt: Well, we've got two children, and we've had sexual
intercourse twice.

Mr Blackitt: That's not the point. We could have it any time we
wanted!

Mrs Blackitt: Really?

Mr Blackitt: Oh yes, and what's more, because we don't believe in that
Papist claptrap, we can take precautions.

Mrs Blackitt: What do you mean... lock the door?

Mr Blackitt: No, no. I mean, because we're members of the Protestant
Reformed Church, which successfully challenged the autrocratic power
of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century, we can wear little rubber
devices to prevent issue.

Mrs Blackitt: What d'you mean?

Mr Blackitt: I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with
you,...

Mrs Blackitt: Oh, yes, Harry.

Mr Blackitt: ...and, by wearing a rubber sheath over my old feller, I
could insure... that, when I came off, you would not be impregnated.

Mrs Blackitt: Ooh!

Mr Blackitt: That's what being a Protestant's all about! That's why
it's the church for me! That's why it's the church for anyone who
respects the individual, and the individual's right to decide for him-
or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church
door in 1517, he may not have realised the full significance of what
he was doing, but… 400 years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear
whatever I want on my John Thomas.

[He sniffs.]

Mr Blackitt: And, Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom! Oh,
no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want.

Mrs Blackitt: You what?

Mr Blackitt: French Ticklers! Black Mambos! Crocodile Ribs! Sheaths
that are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the
stimulation of sexual congress.

Mrs Blackitt: Have you got one?

Mr Blackitt: Have I got one? Uh, well, no, but I can go down the road
any time I want, and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and
say in a loud, steady voice, "Harry, I want you to sell me a condom.
In fact, today, I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a
Protestant."

                OM

Actually, even in America, organized crime has gone metric:  They
measure heroin in kilos, for example, because it's imported from other
countries which have adopted the metric system.

In a sense, the USA is metric, as the imperial units are defined in
terms of metric measurements. Like 1 inch is defined as 2.54cm.  It's
just that we haven't forced the discontinuance of the use of imperial
units at the supermarket and such.
As it is, food at the supermarket have both measurements quoted on the
package, say ounces and grams.  When comparing packages, I find it
easier to look at the grams listings then deal with making sense of the
ounces and pounds and trying to remember if it's 12 or is it 16 ounces
to a pound, and I grew up here in the USA.

I think NASA has declared "Metric only" since then.