Space Forum / Shuttle / December 2007

It all started when our adventurer, michael lalonde, woke up in a
swamp. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly
frustrated, michael lalonde grabbed a oven mitt, thinking it would
make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). All of a sudden, he
realized that his beloved diary was missing!  Immediately he called
his best friend, mike lalonde. michael lalonde had known mike lalonde
for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were
striking ones.  mike lalonde was unique. He was clever though
sometimes a little... pestering. michael lalonde called him anyway,
for the situation was urgent.

  mike lalonde picked up to a very mad michael lalonde. mike lalonde
calmly assured him that most capybaras shudder before mating, yet
beavers usually flamboyantly yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what
that meant; he was only concerned with distracting michael lalonde.
Why was mike lalonde trying to distract michael lalonde?  Because he
had snuck out from michael lalonde's with the diary only five days
prior.  It was a curious little diary... how could he resist?

  It didn't take long before michael lalonde got back to the subject
at hand: his diary. mike lalonde sighed. Relunctantly, mike lalonde
invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. michael lalonde
grabbed his couch and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the
phone, mike lalonde realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a
place to hide the diary and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if
michael lalonde took the '63 Comet, he had take at least eleven
minutes before michael lalonde would get there.  But if he took the
chevy impala?  Then mike lalonde would be abnormally screwed.

  Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, mike lalonde was
interrupted by eleven selfish Care Bears that were lured by his diary.
mike lalonde yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he
randomly reached for his stapler and aimlessly punched every last one
of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged
critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with
discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the chevy
impala rolling up.  It was michael lalonde.

  As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an
unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of mittens, so he knew
he was running late.  With a deft leap, michael lalonde was out of the
chevy impala and went sassily jaunting toward mike lalonde's front
door.  Meanwhile inside,  mike lalonde was panicking.  Not thinking,
he tossed the diary into a box of pencils and then slid the box behind
his hibachi. mike lalonde was frustrated but at least the diary was
concealed.  The doorbell rang.

  'Come in,' mike lalonde indiscriminately purred.  With a inept
push, michael lalonde opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I
was being chased by some annoying fiend in a Vette,' he lied.  'It's
fine,' mike lalonde assured him. michael lalonde took a seat far away
from where mike lalonde had hidden the diary. mike lalonde sneezed
trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you
anything?' he blurted.  But michael lalonde was distracted. Almost
immediately, mike lalonde noticed a annoying look on michael lalonde's
face. michael lalonde slowly opened his mouth to speak.

  '...What's that smell?'

  mike lalonde felt a stabbing pain in his foot when michael lalonde
asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden
the diary right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell
anything..!'  A lie.  A clueless look started to form on michael
lalonde's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of
place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's spoons from when she used to
have pet wallabies.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. michael
lalonde nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before mike lalonde
could react, michael lalonde deftly lunged toward the box and opened
it.  The diary was plainly in view.

  michael lalonde stared at mike lalonde for what what must've been
two microseconds. A few minutes later, mike lalonde groped
indiscriminately in michael lalonde's direction, clearly desperate.
michael lalonde grabbed the diary and bolted for the door.  It was
locked. mike lalonde let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't
been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened,
michael lalonde,' he rebuked. mike lalonde always had been a little
selfish, so michael lalonde knew that reconciliation was not an
option; he needed to escape before mike lalonde did something crazy,
like... start chucking oven mitts at him or something. A few minutes
later, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window,
diving headlong through the glass panels.

  mike lalonde looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed
excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from michael
lalonde. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eight days
ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for michael
lalonde. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. mike lalonde walked over to
the window and looked down. michael lalonde was gone.

  Just yonder, michael lalonde was struggling to make his way through
the cornfield behind mike lalonde's place. michael lalonde had
severely hurt his thigh during the window incident, and was starting
to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared,
having caught wind of the diary.  One by one they latched on to
michael lalonde.  Already weakened from his injury, michael lalonde
yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw
before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running
off with his diary.

  But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored michael
lalonde's diary. Feeling stunned, God smote the Care Bears for their
injustice.  Then He got in His '63 Comet and whizzed away with the
fortitude of  2,000 kittens running from a huge pack of bunnies.
michael lalonde flipped with joy when he saw this. His diary was safe.
It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV
show,  Lizzie McGuire, was going to come on (followed immediately by
'When kittens meet gun'). michael lalonde was overjoyed. And so,
everyone except mike lalonde and a few rusty razor blade-toting
puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

====================
====
It all started when our protagonist, michael lalonde, woke up in a
jungle. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling extraordinarily
worried, michael lalonde groped a sock, thinking it would make him
feel better (but as usual, it did not). Subsequently, he realized that
his beloved diary was missing!  Immediately he called his friend, mike
lalonde. michael lalonde had known mike lalonde for (plus or minus) 61
years, the majority of which were eccentric ones.  mike lalonde was
unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... insensitive.
michael lalonde called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

  mike lalonde picked up to a very sad michael lalonde. mike lalonde
calmly assured him that most bunnies turn red before mating, yet
wallabies usually explosively shudder *after* mating. He had no idea
what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting michael
lalonde.  Why was mike lalonde trying to distract michael lalonde?
Because he had snuck out from michael lalonde's with the diary only
eleven days prior.  It was a flamboyant little diary... how could he
resist?

  It didn't take long before michael lalonde got back to the subject
at hand: his diary. mike lalonde belched. Relunctantly, mike lalonde
invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. michael lalonde
grabbed his ironing board and disembarked immediately. After hanging
up the phone, mike lalonde realized that he was in trouble. He had to
find a place to hide the diary and he had to do it thoughtfully. He
figured that if michael lalonde took the Viper, he had take at least
two minutes before michael lalonde would get there.  But if he took
the chevy impala?  Then mike lalonde would be overwhelmingly screwed.

  Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, mike lalonde was
interrupted by eight dimwitted Care Bears that were lured by his
diary. mike lalonde yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered,
he aptly reached for his paper clip and skillfully hit every last one
of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged
critters began to scurry back toward the forest, squealing with
discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the chevy
impala rolling up.  It was michael lalonde.

  As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an
unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of pencils, so he
knew he was running late.  With a hasty leap, michael lalonde was out
of the chevy impala and went sassily jaunting toward mike lalonde's
front door.  Meanwhile inside,  mike lalonde was panicking.  Not
thinking, he tossed the diary into a box of socks and then slid the
box behind his bed. mike lalonde was frustrated but at least the diary
was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

  'Come in,' mike lalonde earnestly purred.  With a deft push,
michael lalonde opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was
being chased by some abrasive genius in a Geo Metro,' he lied.  'It's
fine,' mike lalonde assured him. michael lalonde took a seat inside
where mike lalonde had hidden the diary. mike lalonde yawned trying
unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you
anything?' he blurted.  But michael lalonde was distracted. A few
minutes later, mike lalonde noticed a clueless look on michael
lalonde's face. michael lalonde slowly opened his mouth to speak.

  '...What's that smell?'

  mike lalonde felt a stabbing pain in his thigh when michael lalonde
asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden
the diary right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell
anything..!'  A lie.  A pestering look started to form on michael
lalonde's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of
place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's spoons from when she used to
have pet otters.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. michael
lalonde nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before mike lalonde
could react, michael lalonde recklessly lunged toward the box and
opened it.  The diary was plainly in view.

  michael lalonde stared at mike lalonde for what what must've been
four minutes. Suddenly, mike lalonde groped exotically in michael
lalonde's direction, clearly desperate. michael lalonde grabbed the
diary and bolted for the door.  It was locked. mike lalonde let out a
eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that
thing, none of this would have happened, michael lalonde,' he rebuked.
mike lalonde always had been a little dimwitted, so michael lalonde
knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before
mike lalonde did something crazy, like... start chucking oven mitts at
him or something. Unexpectedly, he gripped his diary tightly and made
a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

  mike lalonde looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed
excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from michael
lalonde. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days
ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for michael
lalonde. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. mike lalonde walked over to
the window and looked down. michael lalonde was gone.