Space Forum / Space History / March 2004

COMRADES! Once again this profit-hungry reactionary capitalist has
dipped his greedy hands into the rich design-honey that is the rightful
property of the Red Bear in his unseemly and greedy wanderings through
the thick and fertile forest of  Soviet Seaplane Design Triumphs! The
much-vaunted but
Structurally-Unsound-As-The-Economic-Ideology-Of-The-Country-That-Built-It
Martin Seamaster had no choice but to fold its pathetic little wings
over its back and clap its tip floats together in shuddering fear when
confronted with the revolutionary designs proceeding like so many
Marching Hero-Soldiers from the design bureaus of the Soviet Union!
It is no wonder that the Convair Sea Dart fell flaming into San Diego
Bay when it realized that its enemy would be able to not only outrun it,
but have a far more sound understanding of the Air/Water Dialectic than
could ever be achieved by the Lippisch-Loving Lickers of the Hitlerite
Delta Design Jackboot! Not pilot induced oscillations, but
urination-inducing fear was its true downfall!
I will not even mention the "Tradewind", which is but an ill wind
blowing over the sea, a useful as a hot fart on a cold day, a little
pretender to the name of seaplane, as waterlogged and easily crushed as
the paper toy boat of the capitalist hooligan schoolboy when confronted
by the mighty products of the Beriev and Myasishchev design
bureaus....as well as the good and ideologically sound Italian Socialist
Bartini, who said "Nyet!" to Mussolini, and "Dah!" to Comrade Stalin
when it was time to conquer the wet airs over the waters!
Why were these designs never built? Why cast Red Pearls before
Capitalist Swine? Mr. and Mrs. Moscow And All The Soviets At Sea knew
that their nation was safe as long as the warmongering Pentagon clique
continued to hide cringing beneath the sea's surface in their
atom-powered murder boats, rather than try and rise above it into the
true light and mighty heights of the perfected Socialist future!

Patrovich!