Space Forum / Astronomy / April 2005

nightbat wrote

United Press News Services:
For Immediate Release
Cable Network Normal Protocol

 
       Today at an secret and at first undisclosed rushed notice World
Center International Science news press conference and further under a
barrage of heavy reporter questioning, the story broke of causation of
Universe Expansion and of its finally theoretically having been
scientifically solved. Some of the attending Cern Laboratory and Los
Alamos research scientist's could only be classified has being totally
stunned at the breaking news. Unofficially something important was inner
science circle known to be announced but this was totally unexpected
said Dr. Enigmasona of the new science Freedom University of Bombay. "
The profound nightbat has done it, what no other astro or physics
scientist to date has been able to do, finally solve the Universe
expansion problem."

For comment on the developing exciting news the nightbat dressed in a
traditional white science lab coat spoke to world invited reporters and
honorary guests. " Today marks an historical leap for mankind as the
causation of Universe expansion is solved via my leaking hot air
theory." There was a sudden silence as the large crowd held their breath
as the brilliant noted net World researcher, the nightbat, continued. "
This is not about UFO's, aliens, Hubble perceived red shifting of light,
black holes, multiverse, strings, but a more profound and insightful
resolution of which has taken years and years of research by multi
scientist's and final collection of proven data."

The small Swiss news room was now a hushed buzz with anticipation for
the results of the nightbat findings. Nightbat continued " It has been
factually determined that at the turn of the 20th century when Universe
expansion was first duly noted by Dr. Hubble, the multi inflating of
newly invented automobile pneumatic vehicle transportation tires, use of
large mechanical Edison-Tesla based AC/DC air pumps for inflating
millions of those tires, later developed additional blow up mattresses,
furniture, beach floating devices, you name it, resulted in sudden
escaping hot air to the planetary atmosphere and beyond. Normal
Politicians centuries of hot air could not account for the Universe
expansion alone for the scientist's calculated not enough total
individual expectant energy mass to account for the noted sudden
Universe rising expansion."

Now the news room was in total chaos, and this is a short relayed
reporter direct questioning of net Professor nightbat.  

Reporter:        
       Is it true Professor nightbat, that because of the turn of the
20th century and to date escaping multi hot air gases, the Universe is
now observed expanding and it's your scientific analysis and many years
of co science fellow research that absolutely has confirmed this?

nightbat
       Yes

Reporter:
       And can it be possible that this alone is the cause of the noted
expansion?

nightbat
       No, not exactly

Reporter:
       Please continue and explain Professor nightbat

nightbat
       The total analysis is from all now understood sources, including
the previous missing hidden factors. When we began analyzing and
incorporating those hidden viables it became very clear to me that the
expansion was not just an imaginary light trick observation but very
real and caused by secret withheld human data.

Reporter:
       Fascinating, please go on Professor nightbat

nightbat
       While the turn of the 20th century new inventions did have a
profound effect on total potential escaping planetary atmospheric gas
output, the Guth-Hawking theoretical multiverse, World economic market
expansion, and male loneliness played a more important non accounted for
at first deeper  more profound impact.

Reporter:
       Wait a minute Professor nightbat, the multiverse theory has no
evidence, and the World economic poor population expansion is just still
underway, a few billions here and there. Ok, ok, so what are you saying,
that male loneliness is principally responsible for Universe Expansion
some how?

nightbat
       Correct, when we discounted the possibility of multi
civilizations living on multiverse no evidence findings, and the World
expanding poor still not being able to buy all the same pneumatic air
pumps and luxury  transportation or household items like the more
developed Western and European economies, we were left with the secret
unreported and non intuitive male loneliness factor.

Reporter:
       Are you indicating what I think you're saying, that males
sometimes female induced heavy breathing or usually older age snoring is
the cause?

nightbat

       No, no, that and the secret hidden factor of millions or now
even billions of lonely sex starved men having to buy, depend on, and
inflate sub standard cheaply made blow up toy dolls that all eventually
leak. This is the hidden factor we were looking for and the one most
naturally and for personal reasons kept silent from us. Scientist's by
occupation and the very top percent like nightbat have better paying
research income jobs, and while admittedly not extremely high like
famous sports players, they are normally high enough to support a wife
including small family. While the greater part of lower income males do
not make sufficient income even working two or more jobs hence the
greater need to depend on, reserved socially money hampered, no other
choice, store bought boxed plastic inflatable dolls.

Reporter:
       But come on Professor nightbat, are you saying that leaking
plastic inflatable sex dolls is alone the cause of the Universe
expansion.

nightbat  
       No, no, as I have indicated, the missing science X factor or in
this case the triple XXX factor that resultantly escaped us for so many
years is the discovered overriding factor.

Reporter:
       Unbelievable, amazing, incredible, perplexing, world profound,
mesmerizing, so simple, yet crazy and so outrageous enough to be
positively right.

nightbat
       Yes, when you remove or discount the other known insupportable
factors what remains is usually the obsolete scientific base truth.

       With this the breaking high dignitary attending multi guests
Swiss initial News conference adjourned for World wide wire services
reporting and ushering the honorable nightbat on to Geneva, Berlin,
Paris, London, and other World wide capital Press multi News awaiting
Conferences. The Honorary Nobel Prize Committee has naturally been
alerted as well as all the physics and astronomy respective Royal
science academies and societies.

        ponder on,
        the nightbat